How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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