Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
