Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
