well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
