I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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