i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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