And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
