Your mouth is God's brothel.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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