Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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