Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
