so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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