The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Someone signed my nipple.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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