Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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