Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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