Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
