The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
