I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
