Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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