Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You're like the curious george of whores
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
