Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
