If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
