Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize