She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
