he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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