Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
