Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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