i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
