I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
