Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
