So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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