You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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