Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
