You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You pole danced in your parka.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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