my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
there is glitter all over my balls
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
