i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
