It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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