So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
