he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
