I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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