im six kinds of drunk right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
