i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
