I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
