this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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