I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
