think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
