I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
