OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
