Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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