I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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