The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
