Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
