Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Houston, we have a blender
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
