This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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