I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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