Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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