i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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