Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
